AF came super early this cycle. CD 23 actually...today! I was in shock because I never get it this early. I called the doc and the nurse said because I stopped the BC mid cycle, it was normal to get my period within a week so oh well. While we were on the phone, she asked me if me and my husband had made a decision on which treatment to go with this cycle. I told her that I would call her tomorrow and let her know what and when to schedule.
So I told my husband after I got off the phone and got a surprise that I couldn't believe nor did I understand. He has decided that he does not want to do the IUI at all now! Even after the RE told me that it was my best chance to get pregnant....he flipped his switch on getting pregnant all together. He started in about school. I am currently trying my darnest to get ahold of my advisor to set up my last 9 week class with no success yet. He is using this as a way to keep me from my dream and I'm hurt, mad, sad, and just pissed. He has always had some doubts like any man, but this took the cake! So I didn't argue with him before he left for work about it. Then he gets home and is in a good mood, and I bring up just doing the Clomid 250 mg this cycle, like we have done for the past 5 cycles and guess what, he really doesn't want to do that either now. My heart is breaking so hard right now....Not in exact words, but it feels like he is telling me that I'm on my own to get pregnant naturally. I brought up the scheduling BDing, which no one likes but its something that you have to do to get pregnant, and he tells me in the rudest voice, NO! I'm tired of trying!
I feel so alone and by myself...His reaction has never been this strong on the issue before now. Not even close. Two weeks ago he was ready to do our 1st IUI! I asked him about it then and we discussed for quite a while and WE AGREED to do it! And now, the Clomid and BDing he doesn't even want to do! I wasn't crazy about it, just how the doc told me that we had to. He even said that we should just try the old fashion way and nothing else earlier. I told him basically that's what we had been doing for the past 2 years and was it working?? NO!
I don't know what he is so freaking afraid of! I'm so annoyed and hurt after today. I seen him at the store the other night when a lady with a newborn was standing in line ahead of us and his face lit up looking at that baby. Its not the first time that I have noticed it. I don't know if its the idiots that he works with or what. All I know is that the infertility problem is because of me and I have so much guilt as it is and it does make it hard on our marriage and I have to wonder...Is our marriage coming to an end because it feels like it...I say this because now his words are getting aggressive and mean towards me with this issue and in general it feels like. I love him very much, but I'm not ready to give up on having a baby and he is. I know that I'm meant to be a mother and I can't see my life complete without that. I don't see this getting better anytime soon. I am now having resentment towards him for all of this and that is not good at all. Why do we have this problem? It seems like everything in my life has been so difficult to reach and to handle. I know that God has a plan for me, I just hope I can see it and embrace it the way that I need to.
Sorry for the rant, but I'm just lost..... God Bless.
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