CD 14 & TOTALLY + OPK!

So around 800 PM tonight I decided to retest my LH level (OPK) and it was soooo much more positive than it even was last night! Probably the darkest one that I have gotten before :) So that is really exciting!

 The pic isn't the best in the world, but believe me, its alot darker than the control line tonight!

Me and the hubby went and got the PreSeed this evening so tonight will be our first time using it. I'm excited and really hoping and praying that it will help us get preggers! We BD'ed last night and will do the same tonight and tomorrow night just to make sure we covered all of the bases.

Well that's it for now.

God Bless :)

CD13 & Ovualating?!

Holy crap! So I decided to take a OPK tonight around 830pm just to see what it said because I knew that I was getting within 3-4 days from Oing. Well, I got a good clear postive and plenty of EWCM to go with it! I never O before CD16 so I have no idea what is going on with this. Now the whole BDing schedule that we were planning on is going to be changing. I'm excited and reallllly hoping that its a sign that this is OUR cycle :))

Tomorrow we are going to get our taxes done (YAY!) and after that I'm going 1 town over and getting some PreSeed to try out and see if that helps our chances this cycle as well! Because of the whole debate and arguing last week about the IUI and such, I just want to hurry up and get pregnant on our own if possible.

Also, I ended up not having my HSG Friday because my sister was unable to go with me so that wont happen til next cycle now if I end up still needing it. So we will see.

Well just a quick update tonight. I'm getting so sleepy! LOL

God Bless :)

HSG in 12 Hours and Counting!

I have to admit, I am very nervous about this because I have heard that it hurts and others say it doesnt. But I'm very easy to hurt and not looking forward to it. I really want to have it done though because I've heard of so many people that concieved on the cycle that they had their HSG done or at least shortly after so IDK. Maybe just hoping I guess :)

I finished this cycle of Clomid 200 MG on Tuesday. Not really alot of side effects besides a few hot flashes, one or two dizzy spells that I havent determined it they were actual side effects or not, and a horrible headache tonight : /  Gosh, I hope this is it! I hate feeling crappy.

Well, I will update tomorrow about my HSG and give the results. I'm hoping for the best~!~!~!

God Bless :)

HSG Rescheduled

So my HSG was supposed to be today but because of insurance things I had to reschedule for this coming Friday. Its very early in the morning, 7:30AM early. But I can do it! LOL. Feeling really nervous and antsy about it. I hate pain and I do not tolerate it well either so there ya go. I actually had to enroll in a "Infertility Program" for my insurance to get infertility things covered so that was a bit depressing in the sense that I had to re-live everything that we have tried to get pregnant and in the end being put on a "She's Barren!" list.

I'm currently on CD 7 and my fourth day of the 200 MG Clomid for this cycle. I'm taking it at night this cycle to try to cut out at least some of the side effects. I do have some hopes this cycle for a couple of reasons. I'm on the 200 MG again this cycle and the HSG is happening just before O. I have heard of a few women who got pregnant during their cycle that they had the HSG performed. So I'm hoping that I will  be one of those women as well. But we'll see.

Other than the above, stress and aggravation on some other things on the home front are going on. Hopefully all of this too will pass soon! Trying my best to keep my faith on life in general and trying not to give up on things is so hard sometimes. Put I have to believe that God is having me go thru all of this for a reason and the outcome will be wonderful.

God Bless :)

Still Feeling Down...

So last night I wrote my previous blog. Still hurt and aggravated to say the least. Not much was said today before he left. He just kissed and told me that he loved me. I don't really want to bring up the issue for a while. Mainly cause I just want the issue to calm down and give him some space with all of this. I think he does feel bad for how he acted last night and the words that he said so IDK. Just going to wait it out I guess.

However, I did call my RE back today and told the nurse what option I was going with for this cycle. I am going to do the 250MG of Clomid CDs 3-7 only this cycle. No IUI because well....we know why. So I also had to schedule my HSG as well. My HSG will be next Tuesday at 7:30AM. Gosh, that's so early!! LOL. Luckily I think that my sister is going with me for that as far as I know. I really didn't want to go by myself. Very nervous about it because I have heard that it is very painful for some women. Plus I have never been pregnant, so my cervix has never been stretched or anything. TMI, I know right! LOL.

So yeah, that's about it. Like I said, I am still reeling from the talk last night with the hubs so all I can do now is hope and say some prayers. I know that God will get me through anything.

God Bless :)

Can Infertility Really Cause My Marriage To End....

AF came super early this cycle. CD 23 actually...today! I was in shock because I never get it this early. I called the doc and the nurse said because I stopped the BC mid cycle, it was normal to get my period within a week so oh well. While we were on the phone, she asked me if me and my husband had made a decision on which treatment to go with this cycle. I told her that I would call her tomorrow and let her know what and when to schedule.

So I told my husband after I got off the phone and got a surprise that I couldn't believe nor did I understand. He has decided that he does not want to do the IUI at all now! Even after the RE told me that it was my best chance to get pregnant....he flipped his switch on getting pregnant all together. He started in about school. I am currently trying my darnest to get ahold of my advisor to set up my last 9 week class with no success yet. He is using this as a way to keep me from my dream and I'm hurt, mad, sad, and just pissed. He has always had some doubts like any man, but this took the cake! So I didn't argue with him before he left for work about it. Then he gets home and is in a good mood, and I bring up just doing the Clomid 250 mg this cycle, like we have done for the past 5 cycles and guess what, he really doesn't want to do that either now. My heart is breaking so hard right now....Not in exact words, but it feels like he is telling me that I'm on my own to get pregnant naturally. I brought up the scheduling BDing, which no one likes but its something that you have to do to get pregnant, and he tells me in the rudest voice, NO! I'm tired of trying!

I feel so alone and by myself...His reaction has never been this strong on the issue before now. Not even close. Two weeks ago he was ready to do our 1st IUI! I asked him about it then and we discussed for quite a while and WE AGREED to do it! And now, the Clomid and BDing he doesn't even want to do! I wasn't crazy about it, just how the doc told me that we had to. He even said that we should just try the old fashion way and nothing else earlier. I told him basically that's what we had been doing for the past 2 years and was it working?? NO!

I don't know what he is so freaking afraid of! I'm so annoyed and hurt after today. I seen him at the store the other night when a lady with a newborn was standing in line ahead of us and his face lit up looking at that baby. Its not the first time that I have noticed it. I don't know if its the idiots that he works with or what. All I know is that the infertility problem is because of me and I have so much guilt as it is and it does make it hard on our marriage and I have to wonder...Is our marriage coming to an end because it feels like it...I say this because now his words are getting aggressive and mean towards me with this issue and in general it feels like. I love him very much, but I'm not ready to give up on having a baby and he is. I know that I'm meant to be a mother and I can't see my life complete without that. I don't see this getting better anytime soon. I am now having resentment towards him for all of this and that is not good at all. Why do we have this problem? It seems like everything in my life has been so difficult to reach and to handle. I know that God has a plan for me, I just hope I can see it and embrace it the way that I need to.

Sorry for the rant, but I'm just lost..... God Bless.

Tired of This Icky Stuff

So in my last post, I said that my doc went ahead and took me off of the Birth Control because I was having weird symptoms. They included hard heartbeats, extreme dizziness, lightheaded, nauseous and just plain tired and icky. The nurse said that it could be caused by the BC but maybe not. So she said to stop them. Still feeling icky and some light headiness going on, but hopefully everything is getting better and back to normal.

Not to mention, my anxiety/panic attacks have been kicking at my heels for the past like 4 days. All day Thursday and late Thursday night, I was crying and just had to stay on the couch and that was it really. The way that I've been feeling has alot to do with them I believe. The snow worries me because what if I need to get somewhere like the hospital and I cant make it there or whatever. Something so small is making me freak out this week. Just not a good week :( I had a "run in" in the first snow of the year a couple of weeks ago and I lost control of my truck. Nothing bad thank the good Lord above, but enough to wig me out when it comes to snow! I have had these attacks for about 4 years now, but the past couple of years they have been alot better til now.

Usually, if the hubby is at work, I just go up to my sister's house (which is rare) if I get really really really bad attacks, but here lately it seems different when I'm at her house and I feel really unwelcome like I'm intruding or something. So Tuesday night, even though I could barely breathe it felt like, I stayed at the house alone and worked through it. I don't know of these attacks are genetic or not, but both of my sisters and I have them. I hate having them though. Its so energy draining and makes your life kinda feel constricted I guess. I have certain things that I have to avoid, which are things that will send me into an attack....Luckily James is really understanding and helps me the best he can when they come when he is around. Plus praying to God and just talking to him seems to really help as well sometimes. This trying to pregnant thing is really taking a toll on it as well I think just because of my mood swings and emotions with the entire issue. So IDK....just a crappy emotional week I guess....

God Bless :) 

1st RE Appointment!

Long time, no blogging! Oops! I've just been busy with a few things and didnt have time to blog like normal.

So on Dec. 28th, I had my 1st appointment with my RE. First meeting was very nice. His office is amazing! So relaxed and you feel like your at home. The meeting/consult room looks like a small living with couches and everything! Very beautiful :)

During the consult we chatted about my diagnosis and everything. What medications I was on. My history and family history...blah blah blah blah....then the lovely pelvic exam. Oh how we women love these : /  During the exam, he pushed on my right ovary and I just about came off the freaking table! He hurt soooooo bad. I hadnt noticed any pain in that area til that moment. He asked if that was normal and I told him no so he pulled up the ultrasound machine and checked out that ovary. My right ovary has a fairly large cyst on it and my left has a smaller one on it :( True, I have PCOS, however, no doc has physically found a cyst on my ovaries so I wasnt expecting it really.

Afterwards, we sat down and started discussing the options that he thought would work for me. 1st of all, he put me on birth control to clear up the cysts for this cycle :( It sucks but no TTC this cycle. Turns out though, I called the doc 1-10-11, which was Day 9 of the BC and they took me off of it cause I was having weird side effects or whatever from it. However, I was on the BC during my "fertile period" so I never got a positive OPK....

Option #1-- 250MG Clomid with an IUI

Option #2-- Injectiable Superstimulation with an IUI (The "JON&KATEPLUS8 Cocktail!! minus the IVF)

He made sure to let me know that he thinks that Option #2 was what he was leaning towards with me me so IDK. Either way, next cycle I have to have a HSG dye test performed as well to check out my tubes and all of that jazz.

The chance for Mulitples excites me in a way and worries the crap outta me at the same time! lol. I say this because I want to give my children the best and special one on one time like every parent does. And I worry if more than 1 happens, then the what ifs of life could hurt that you know. But I see a different side of it at the same time....my heart tells me that God will not give me more than I can handle and I have faith in that :)

He also told me that if we have 3 unsucessful IUIs, next would be IVF :((((

So right now, I am on CD 19 and AF is due at the 26th. I am not testing this month at all because of the BC, and negative OPKs and no scheduling BDing this cycle. So I am calling this one a wash :(

Me and the hubby have a very big decision to make over the next couple of weeks and I ask God that he will help and guide us with this decision :)

God Bless :)