Christmas Has Came and Left

I hope everyone out there in the blog world had a great and happy Christmas! We had a wonderful Christmas. Full of Faith, family and love :) It was nice also because for the first time ever, Christmas was at our house this year! My in laws, sister in law, and brother in law came over. Unfortunately my family, was not able to make it because of other commitments, but I did Christmas Eve with all of my family with the exception of one of my sisters which we spent Christmas Day evening with them so I guess it all worked out pretty good.

As far as AF goes and all of that goes, she was due on Christmas Eve. However she did not show. I tested that morning and it was negative. I went back a couple of hours later and saw a very clear positive sign! Needless to say, I was crazy happy. And the look on my hubby's face was priceless. Now given the time time lapse between when I took it and when the positive line showed up. So therefore I knew that it could very well have been a evaporation line. So I retested Sunday morning and it was negative within the 10 minute time frame. I was very disappointed but I knew that it was a long shot and so did my hubby. We were like "Ok, its negative. Maybe next cycle." So first thing Monday morning, AF showed her ugly face and she was in a wicked mood and has been all week! LOL.

So Tuesday, I went ahead and called the RE that I have been considering contacting for a couple of months. I told her that I was interested in starting IUI within the next cycle or two. She told me to come in Thursday and I could have the intital meeting and exam with the doctor and then go from there. So I took the appointment and called my insurance company to confirm what would be covered and all of that jazz. I am very nervous about it and just getting the ball rolling on the IUI. It scares me to think that maybe that wont work either....My hubby is worried about it because it can result in multiples and dangers that can come with IUI. Not to mention, the "embarrassment" of having to give the sample at the doctors' office which is something that I think cant really be fun for any guy. However, he is excited to be getting closer to the possibility of parenthood for the both of us.

I will update tomorrow after my appointment and go from there!

God Bless :)

All I Want For Christmas...Is You ♥

Currently on CD 28 and not really feeling anything much going on : / My boobs kinda hurt but normal and still some of the coughing nausea but that's it. Tested this evening with evening pee, and BFN. I was expecting that though. Its hard for me to really get my hopes up anymore because I am always let down. I'm just going with the flow for the next few days and will be expecting AF to show up on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. One or the other......

The hubby and I sat down last night and decided for sure not to do another medicated cycle next month. I want to give my body a break from all of the hormones. I have been so up and down all month with tears, happiness, or just plain moodiness! My poor hubby LOL! I going to take natural herbs and vitamins but that's about it. Things I will be taking: FertileCM, Soy Isoflavones, B6, FertileAid for Women, and using PreSeed. And hubby is going to take the FertileAid for Men just for an extra boost of something..haha. I want to use the PreSeed because it helps with mobility of the sperm to get to the uterus. TMI--This round of Clomid really "dried" me up and I had NO eggwhite mucus this cycle which is weird for me. Alot of people swear by it that it alone got them pregnant so I want to try it plus after this month, I think I actually need it.

My check-up appointment with my doctor is Jan.12th and at that appointment I will decide if I am going to stick with him or move on to the fertility specialist (RE) that is in the small hospital. Everyone is talking about "Be Your Own Advocate" with this issue and speak your mind and opinions. So I decided that that's exactly what I'm going to do! If he wants to put things off or whatever after I have said my "peace" then on to Dr. A! My mind and body is telling me that an IUI is the next step, but I don't know if that is what he will say or not. He mentioned at my first appointment that if the Clomid didn't help us conceive, then that was next. I also want an HSG test to check for blocked tubes as well and my vitamin D checked as well. So, before my appointment, I am going to make a list of things that I am wishing to be done/checked, the opinions that I want to consider and questions that I have about different things. He knows I think that I am serious, but I feel like I need to recheck that thought to him. So, hopefully it will all go well.

Christmas is just 4 days away!  'Til Later....God Bless ♥ 

11 DPO...Almost There!

Its been about a week or so since my last blog! Oops! Its been busy around here with Christmas and such. Well, to follow up on my last blog, everything is fine now. It was the day after. Hormones and such are taking a strong toll on this gal is all I have to say : (

Only 4 days til Christmas Eve!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't believe that this month has flown by like this! It seems like just yesterday was Black Friday.

So I am 11 DPO with 4 days til AF is due. My head is telling me that this is not our month, but my heart still has hope. The only symptom that I am having that is strange for me is coughing and its makes me gag and want to vomit for the past 2 days : / Yuck! I don't know if that would be considered a preggers symptom, but its not me. Stomach has just felt yucky all day today. My left ear is hurting so maybe I'm just getting an ear infection and its messing with my equilibrium. IDK. If it doesn't have this cycle, from the way that my doc is sounding like until I go in for my follow-up appointment to start a new treatment plan on Jan. 12th, then I may end up not having a medicated cycle this next cycle because the 12th is after my "fertile" period for next cycle anyways. Which I think I may be ok and kinda let my body recover from all of the hormones for this upcoming cycle. We'll see. Me and the hubby is still debating it.

On a side note: JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON : )

God Bless ♥

Bad Night..

Last night was a really bad night here. My husband and I got into it pretty good. One simple thing that I asked him to do turned into a huge arguement. I couldnt believe that he acted the way that he did, but in a way, he does have a tendicy to blow up sometimes. It was so stupid. I didnt ask for much but he decided that there was no need to do it. Oh well...then he was mad and went to bed. I tried to start the fight and wanted to BD because last night was my last fertile night and he decided he was going to take that from me! This really pissed me off! I dont know if he just wanted to feel in control or just wanted to really hurt me or both. This was last night and I'm still fuming over it and he left after he got up and I havent seen him or heard from him. I want to tell him that if I dont get a positive this month, I'm done. But am I really? He knows buttons and how to get to me. And I hate that! But I do love him. We have just got so much going on and I think sometimes that comes to a head in our marriage. Its like he knows the right time to get me. He says that he wants this, but when he does crap like this, it makes me think that he's trying to avoid it happening.

I have put myself through the freaking ringer trying to make this happen. I have got so many horomones in me that I dont know if my moods are really me or the horomones. But that is the price and sacrifrice that I am paying to have a baby. It is my choice and I am dealing with it. I know that in the end it will be all well worth it! But I feel like I'm the only one trying. Yes, BDing on a time schedule sucks! I will be the first to admit that but if that is what it takes, then it needs to be done. But don't push me away when I want you to be the father of my children. This process is hard enough as it is on me, I dont need this crap....

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to let it out.

God Bless ♥

Doctor's Appointment Today

Well, today was my follicle ultrasound for this cycle for the 200 mg of Clomid. This cycle, I am soooo relieved to say that they found 1 small follicle on my left ovary and 2 follicles, 1 large and 1 slightly smaller follicle on my right ovary!! I have a good shot at this being our cycle : ) I am soooo happy! I'm not supposed to ovualate until Saturday, so they still have about a day to grow so I hope they continue to grow and release good eggs! The largest follicle was about 2.3 centimeters and they like them to be about 2.5ish so that sounds really good to me at this point. God, please let this month work!! :)

One of my good friends went with me. This was such a change because normally I go by myself because James has to be at work so it was so nice having someone else there with me. She is blessed with good reproductive organs so she has not had to go thru this stuff which is great because I wouldnt wish this on anyone! She is very supportive of me and thats feels really nice.

Afterwards, we went shopping because both of us are shoppers! LOL. Caught some really good sales so that was awesome. Both 2 shirts at Gordmans, which I love, but they are soo tight : ( With something over them though I think I can wear them. They were super cheap so if I can't wear them as much, I wont feel as bad.

Well, thats it for right now. Just took a nap so I need to get some cleaning done!

God Bless ♥

I Just Wanna Cry : (

I was just on Facebook and was looking through all of the statuses and I noticed something I see quite often. Another friend of mine is 12 weeks pregnant! So aggravated! I would love to be happy to see it but I'm not....she is 19 or 20 and already has a set of twins that aren't even 2 yet!! It just not fair! She doesn't have a college education, she works as a CNA and her hubby doesn't even work! He claims he is mentally unable..? Seriously?? She always talked about how she wasn't financially stable and BAM, she gets yet another freaking baby........

I swear sometimes I feel like the people around, friends or not are out to make me miserable when it comes to this issue. I have at least half of my Facebook friends that are pregnant right now or just had babies. I just wanna cry, scream or hit something! Mind you, this is the same girl that told one of our mutual friends that she deserved it more than I did. It just feels like a gut shot!!!!!! I was doing so good today until about 15 minutes ago.

Its gotta work this month people! The stress and anxiety is really the best of me! 

God Bless ♥ 

Time to Be Thankful....

Tonight I decided to watch the Teen Mom 2 season premiere. Big mistake! Between getting aggravated, annoyed and sad made it not so enjoyable. Its one of those shows that hurts in a way to watch but is kinda addicting at the same time. Because of my issues with infertility, seeing a bunch of teenagers getting pregnant and raising children just hurts. But I can't be jealous really because they struggle to make it and make alot of mistakes.

I talked to one of my friends via text message this evening that I really look up too. Bless her heart, she has had a long road. She found out that she was preggers then miscarried about 8 weeks in and found out that ovarian cancer was what caused her to miscarry : ( She is in chemo right now and has a full hysteretomery a few months ago. Mind you, she is only 19 years old! My heart breaks for her because she wanted to be a mom so bad. Its such a struggle for someone that young to go through. She has been such a fighter throughout the entire ordeal. I think about my problems with having a baby and I have to be thankful though that I still have a chance to have children naturally. She will have to adopt to be a mommy which is such a stressful and heartbreaking process in itself. My prayers really go out to her so much. I can't imagine what this is like for her and her hubby.

I think that its fitting to end this blog with this quote, "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

God Bless ♥

CD12...Getting Ready to Ovulate!!

Well, Friday I finished up this cycle of Clomid. Had remaining side effects until yesterday. It was definitely my worst side effects with the meds since I started for sure!

My chart is looking pretty good right now. Starting Saturday I had a dip in my temps and it is still low, so within the next couple of days, I think it should spike for sure :) I took an OPK yesterday evening and it was almost +. Then I took 1 today about an hour ago and it was getting darker!! So excited! I am becoming fertile alittle earlier than usual but I'm sure its because of the meds so that works. My follicle ultrasound is Thursday and I'm hoping that that's not too late.

TMI: I told the hubby last night that my fertile period was starting so we are "planning" BDing this cycle. Starting last night thru Saturday, BDing everyday! I don't want to miss any opportunities. He was fine with it because we talked and we don't want it to be just baby makin' BDing. We want to have fun and enjoy. This was one reason that we never really planned BDing before because well...it doesn't really make it about you and your hubby you know. It sometimes cant feel as imitate as you would like : /.

I am sooooooo hoping and praying for a BFP this month!! I have already figured out how to tell him if it does happen. I plan on putting the test on a piece of ribbon and hanging it somewhere on the tree and after he has opened up all of his presents, telling him that there is one more present for him and its on the tree somewhere and he has to find it! He would never suspect that!

I am so scared about what if it doesn't happen. That worries me. But at the same time, I've never been on such a large dosage of this medication. And we usually only BD about 2 times during my fertile period. So I'm hoping that since we have increased these 2 things, that it will happen this cycle!

God Bless ♥

CD8 and 4th Day of Clomid

Well, last night after I blogged, the dizzyness ended up getting really bad. I ended up at my sisters' house a few minutes away from about 3 hours. I felt horrible and today I still feel really dizzy but trying to relax and take catnaps. Only 1 day left and I will be soooo happy to finish up this cycle!

God Bless ♥