Bad Night..

Last night was a really bad night here. My husband and I got into it pretty good. One simple thing that I asked him to do turned into a huge arguement. I couldnt believe that he acted the way that he did, but in a way, he does have a tendicy to blow up sometimes. It was so stupid. I didnt ask for much but he decided that there was no need to do it. Oh well...then he was mad and went to bed. I tried to start the fight and wanted to BD because last night was my last fertile night and he decided he was going to take that from me! This really pissed me off! I dont know if he just wanted to feel in control or just wanted to really hurt me or both. This was last night and I'm still fuming over it and he left after he got up and I havent seen him or heard from him. I want to tell him that if I dont get a positive this month, I'm done. But am I really? He knows buttons and how to get to me. And I hate that! But I do love him. We have just got so much going on and I think sometimes that comes to a head in our marriage. Its like he knows the right time to get me. He says that he wants this, but when he does crap like this, it makes me think that he's trying to avoid it happening.

I have put myself through the freaking ringer trying to make this happen. I have got so many horomones in me that I dont know if my moods are really me or the horomones. But that is the price and sacrifrice that I am paying to have a baby. It is my choice and I am dealing with it. I know that in the end it will be all well worth it! But I feel like I'm the only one trying. Yes, BDing on a time schedule sucks! I will be the first to admit that but if that is what it takes, then it needs to be done. But don't push me away when I want you to be the father of my children. This process is hard enough as it is on me, I dont need this crap....

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to let it out.

God Bless ♥